A Tale of Two Pies, Part 1

Hi there, loyal fans! I recently had Thanksgiving, like many other people. One of the best parts of Thanksgiving is pie. I made two pies this year: pumpkin and apple, because I am very traditional. I shall now embark on the task of explaining to you how to make both of these pies from scratch.To begin with, you will make the crusts. This recipe will make the pastry for two (2) crusts. You will need the following:

• 2 Cups of flour
• 1 Teaspoon salt
• 2/3 Cup shortening
• About a cup of very cold water
• A rolling pin or alternative

A quick note on the the ingredients: I prefer to use wheat flour and organic vegetable

shortening, but you can use what you want.

A quick not on rolling pins: I don't have a rolling pin. I used a tubular, metal water bottle as one. You can also use a wine bottle, a sturdy high ball glass or any other rolling pin shaped object as such.

First, you must mix the flour and the salt in a large bowl. Then you add the shortening. The next is the first important part of this procedure.

You must use two case knives, one held in either hand, to chop the shortening into pieces about the size of peas. I was cooking this without a camera man (as the professional was visiting his grandparents at the moment) so I took a photo myself which does not look very good:

What you cannot really tell is that I am holding one knife in each hand and using them to chop the shortening up. I am about halfway done with my chopping.

After it has gotten to about pea size, you will need to put your hands into the bowl and knead the pastry until it begins to become a doughy texture. I find that uncooked pie crust feels a bit like playdough when you're doing it right. Once you start kneading it, you will also need to start adding the cold water, about a tablespoon at a time, to improve the texture. The whole operation will start out feeling a bit dry. Keep kneading away and dropping in water until it reaches playdough status.

At this point, you will split your crust into two balls and place one a

side while we begin to form the first from a dough into a proper crust:

You will notice from this photo that, like a rolling pin, I don't have any nice pie plates. If you are like me in this way, you can get these for a dollar each at your grocery store. Now, after lamenting your lack of fine pie plates, or complimenting yourself on them should you have them, you should take one ball of dough and start rolling it out. Throw some flour down on a clean surface and get your rolling pin or rolling pin like object and start rolling your dough until it is about the right pie crust thickness: a couple of millimeters. Not too thin that it will fall apart, not so thick that you don't have enough dough to make an entire pie crust. Don't worry if it isn't exactly the right shape. You can patch it later:

As you can see, I need a new camera for Christmas,

and this doesn't exactly look like a pie yet.

Take your oddly shaped crust and place it in your pie plate. Then begin the process of shaping it to actually look like a pie. Rip off the bits that overhang your pan and, using more of your cold water, attach them to places where you haven't enough dough and the pan shows through. Take your time with this and make sure everything is covered:

If you have enough dough left, you can make thumb prints around the edge of your plate for a more fancy look. Your crust should look something like this when you complete it:

You can make your second crust from the ball of dough the same way you did this one.

Next, we'll begin making the pumpkin pie. If you don't want to make both a pumpkin pie and an apple pie you can either make two of one or freeze the other crust for a later time. Then it becomes just like a store bought frozen pie crust.

Unfortunately, my pumpkin pie is a little fakey, simply because I don't have any way to puree my own pumpkin.

• The ingredients include the following:
• 1 Can of Organic Pureed Pumpkin
• 1 Cup of heavy cream
• 1/2 Teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 Teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/2 Teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 Eggs

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees. Pour your pumpkin into a bowl. When you open the can, if you are me, a smush-faced cat will appear and beg you for cat food, and you may have to sacrifice a bit of your cream to make it up to him:

Stir it up so its nice and liquidy. Then crack the eggs in a separate bowl and beat them nicely. Pour the eggs into the liquified pumpkin and stir it up. Then add the cream and stir again. Add the vanilla, which is my very important secret ingredient that makes this pie amazing, cinnamon and nutmeg and stir a final time.

Next, you will need to pour your very thinly textured liquid into the pie pan and carry it into the oven. This is not so hard if you have a real pie plate. If you, like myself, do not, BE VERY CAREFUL. Like, as careful as you have ever been, because if the foil pie plate bends, it will be all over. Your pie should look like this before it goes into the oven:

Allow it to bake for about a half an hour. You will need to check it frequently because I have found that baking times are never an exact science. Test your pie by poking a fork into it. If it does not appear to be pumpkin pie texture, it needs to cook longer. Although the ingredients for this pie are slightly different than a standard pumpkin pie, it should look and feel the same as a regular one, and this is important. It will taste a lot better than usual, too :D

Here is the finished pie:

If you would like to make a vegan pie, that is very easy. I can, first of all, tell you how NOT to do it. Some sites recommend using silken tofu blended in a blender or food processor in place of the dairy ingredients. DO NOT DO THIS. Instead, use almond milk (in my opinion, the superior false milk for baking) in an amount of one cup instead of the cream. You do not need to add anything to substitute the eggs. You can make this pie without eggs and it will still taste great, if you are allergic to eggs. The texture will not be exactly the same, but it will be tolerable. One year, I followed a vegan friend's advice and tried to make a tofu pumpkin pie. No one could eat it. In the end, we had to put it outside for the squirrels. They wouldn't eat it either, which had never happened before or since.

In the next post (which will happen tomorrow, because Blogger and I are not getting along. At all), I will show you how to make a Good Noms apple pie. I had to rewrite large parts of this post twice, and import each picture three times. C'est la vie. At least you can have pumpkin pie now!